Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Life's Balance

A few months ago, I purchased a balance disc--what looks like an oversized inflated frisbee--upon which one develops muscle tone and, "whaddya know"--balance.  It sat in a basket near my desk where I could fully experience the guilt associated with "committing without commitment."  This weekend I finally began to use it.  I'd like to say I'm feeling more balanced.  Alas, not yet.  And anyway, what's the big deal?  If it's so hard to achieve, maybe it's an unnatural state.  In fact, is it healthy to constantly strive to lead a balanced life?  Isn't it like trying to earn more money or own a nicer home?  And if it were natural, wouldn't we naturally be balanced?

I wouldn't want you all to think I can't see the merit of living a more well-modulated life.  But it somehow seems unattainable unless by happenstance.  If I had a mantra, it would be "live as if there were no tomorrow."  And in order to do that, it has meant that my children received varying degrees of attention (not varying degrees of love, mind you), my house was more OR less cared for and tidy, the refrigerator was more OR less orderly, work took up way more time than it should have, and retirement plans were merely dreams.

Now I'm retired and my children are adults.  They're wrapped up in their own attempts at balance while I still find myself just as busy as I was--sometimes with things that don't align with what I considered my intentions in retirement.  But I'll tell you, dear readers, that I'm still living the mantra.  I fill my days with 1) things I love to do, 2) things I have to do, and 3) things that, in the end, reward me with whatever makes it possible to do what I love to do. 

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